.: February 2010

well, i am not really even sure how or what to say about what is going on in our lives. but i figured i should say something for all of those who are wondering what is wrong with me. so i will try my best to say it all without writing a novel. so here goes.....
the beginning of january i started having some issues with my health, and i knew something wasn't right, but i am the type to just deal with things. i hate going to the dr. but finally i called and made an appointment which was still a few weeks out. then on sunday, the 31st of january i started to feel lightheaded when i stood up and felt as though i would pass out. so on monday i called the dr back and they got me in that afternoon. i saw a nurse practioner first and couldn't figure out what was going on with me, so finally had me take a pregnancy test at the office. they results came back positive.. exciting, but not really cause i knew something wasn't right. after that everything kind of went into high speed and had to get my blood drawn and have an ultrasound, which further made me realize something wasn't right, because the ultrasound tech said NOTHING the entire time i was there. at the end of the ultrasound i was told i needed to call the nurse practioner. and she basically told me that they suspected that i was having an ectopic pregnancy or tubal pregnancy which means that the fertilized egg did not make it into my uterus where it needs to be, but somehow stopped in my fallopian tube and attached and began to grow there, and that there was no possible way that it could survive there because as it continued to grow it would rupture my tube causing me to bleed internally. and that there was no possible way they could do anything to fix it or move it where it needs to be. so i went back to the dr on tues and she confirmed everything i was told on monday and that they couldn't really know for sure that that was what was going on, but that i needed to have more blood tests. so more blood drawn on tuesday and again on wednesday. i returned to the dr. on wed and the blood tests made the dr. more sure of it being an ectopic pregnancy and i was told that we needed to take care of it immediately before it had the chance of rupturing, so wed afternoon they gave me two injections of a chemo drug to work on dissolving that tissue in my tube. so we went home hoping that the drug would work and that there would be no more issues. but on saturday the 6th, i started feeling horrible and having sharp stabbing pains in my abdomen so brock took me to the ER and after more blood tests and another ultrasound, the worst was confirmed, my tube had ruptured and i was bleeding internally, so i had to have emergency surgery and they tried everything they could to repair that tube, but ultimately they had to remove my right fallopian tube.
so needless to say, the last week has been a whirlwind for us. and people keep asking me how i am doing so i will try to portray my feelings for you all. obviously this isn't something i would wish anyone to experience. and at first i asked "why me", but the more that i thought about things and prayed, i had to change that question to "why not me". i am no more important or special that anyone else in this world so why would i think that i would never have any "roadblocks" in life that would affect my health. so many people deal with things everyday and you just get so immune to all of that until you, yourself, are in a situation that you can't fix. so keeping my focus on God through this all has been an amazing help. i know that God is in control and He has a plan for us, and even though His plan doesn't always match what our plans are, His are way better. and i know that He has something even greater planned for us and i can't wait to see what is in store. am i disappointed that i won't ever get to meet the little baby that was growing inside of me....ABSOLUTELY! am i a bit scared of the possibility that it will be harder to have more children. NO, because i know that if that is God's plan for us, it will happen. of course there are days where satan puts thoughts in my head and i wonder if things could've been different or if we would have just done this or not done that......but then God reminds me that he has a purpose in everything and as long as we put our faith in Him, He will provide. so what am i feeling right now......a little sore from surgery, but an overwhelming peace that God is in control.
One last thing, i have felt Gods presence and His overwhelming love through all of our friends that have been soooo supportive and loving to us through this whole thing, so i want to say THANK YOU from the bottom of our hearts for EVERYTHING. it would have been so much harder without each and everyone of you. we love you all very much!!!

P.S. i tried to not make it a novel...obviously didn't work-Sorry!

so i am finally up to date with pictures. no wonder it took me so long to do this...this takes
FOREVER.
well, since i posted last, we celebrated halloween, christmas and new years. we got to go home to glendive for christmas and spend time with family. Addison is officially potty-trained. we started working on it before we went home for christmas, and i am glad she was finally ready. NO MORE DIAPERS!!! YEA!!!! she is getting so big. it is hard to imagine her ever being a little baby. she constantly asks for a baby sister. and i just keep telling her "someday". :) her new word is "whatever". she likes to say "actually" and "especially". i am quite amazed by some of the things that come out of that little mouth of hers. she knows her colors, and the letter A and S(for Sammy of course). she is a little sassy lately and likes to copy everything mommy says. mommy has had to really work on her patience when addi does this. she still loves babies and taking care of her "kids" as she calls her dolls. she loves to play with play-doh and loves to color. she wants stickers all the time and we find them all over the house. she loves to play with her friends and be a little "mommy" telling everyone what to do and making sure they all behave. she is truly a blessing and a joy to have in our lives.
well hope you all enjoy the many photos i have finally posted.